(because Christmas is in 2 weeks!)
Jack Finney, Time and Again
The world is a very magical place. I hope that this island and the ones near it managed to weather the storm.
(taken about a week and a half before Typhoon Haiyan hit)
Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow.
This island that we went to reminded me so much of the setting of Moonrise Kingdom. It was oddly deserted and full of cats, but what really caught my attention was the giant lighthouse at the end of this arched path of trees.
I often find myself wishing that I was a lot of things. That maybe, in the back of my mind, I can play the selfish individual and hope for a ton of other things that go beyond the different sorts of wonderful that I’m experiencing now. I wish I were a lot better; a lot less self-concerned, a whole lot more responsible, a whole lot more aware, more eloquent, more organized, less awkward…more (or less) insert-adjective-here. Maybe I wish I was capable of filling every unfulfilled expectation.
And then I realize that there’s a whole lot more to it. Honestly speaking, it’s easy to wish you were a lot more of this or a lot less of that, but it’s an entirely different ball game when it comes to actually making it happen. It means doing a lot of things that you don’t want to do, it means doing something you dislike, so much that it hurts–not in the physical sense but in the entire “my mind and body are rebelling against this out of the norm experience”-sense, but you do it anyway because you know you’ll be thanking yourself later.
It’s forcing yourself to get up and get yourself a glass of water when you’d rather lie down. It’s willing yourself to open your notebook and study for that test when you’d rather sleep. It’s hugging a pillow so tight in hopes of turning your thoughts off because you want some peace of mind for a change. But most of all it’s accepting every little thing that you aren’t and not falling into a sense of complacency that you already are—at this very moment—something, because you and I both know that you’re eons better than that.
I think I’ll best remember my first semester in college as those blurry selfies I’ve taken on my phone. It’s those short pauses when you take the time to document those fleeting moments when you eat out as a block for the first time, when you wear matching outfits, when your friends come to visit from their schools, when you eat at your favorite haunts, when you meet the authors of the books you’ve read or when you’re in the middle of study group in the library (or walking across campus to find a vacant jeep/cab/anything to take you home).
My first semester of college is drowning in readings and paperwork but not thinking so much about it because you have friends who are in the same predicament (and you curse together in some form of united front abhorring all types of written requirements). It’s having the chairperson of the freshie council as your partner in yoga class and subsequently becoming very close friends with her (without knowing that she was ma’am pres because I am a very ignorant freshman), or becoming super attached to your PE in general because everything is new and exciting (and your instructor is just like the second mom you never knew existed in college).
The first semester is [probably] the only field trip I’ll experience in college (lol, Kas) but it was fun because I got to spend it with my friends. It’s waiting at the library between breaks, falling asleep there, having someone meet you there when you least expect it, waiting for the xerox guy who never seems to be around and actually borrowing books.
But really, I think those selfies sum up my first semester just fine. The images of the people I’ve met, the friends I’ve made, the things I’ve done are just all part of the great college experience that I’ve yet to fully discover, and they’re all kept soundly in the album on my computer (that was a very techie-centric ending, but what can I say I love my digital albums).